One of the challenges of being a parent is granting children the freedom of acting on their own initiative. This is essential both for their spiritual development as well as for their life on this world. While children are young, we protect them with our attention because they are not yet capable to use intelligently their own will. But, once they grow up, there comes a time when we have to lower the guard.

You don’t want to make the mistake of over controlling your child, forcing him to do what you want, because this will only make your child wanting to stay away from you. However, they still need some surveillance so they don’t get into big trouble.

Father Paisie used the analogy of a garden in order to explain how a healthy relationship between parents and children should look like:

 “Parents can’t help their children against their will, because will suffocate them… They can watch over their children in order to keep them on the right path, but without creating a gap between them. They should be as a good gardener who plants a little tree: tying it gently to a strong peg, allowing it to grow up straight and not to be affected by the wind. The gardener waters it frequently, taking care of it so that its branches will grow. Also, he can build a fence so that goats won’t eat his little tree, because thus truncated the plant will be ruined. A truncated tree will not offer fruits or shadow. Once its braches grow big and strong, then the gardener takes down the fence and the tree produces fruits and shelter for goats, sheep and people.”

Often, parents will try to anchor their children with a “strong chain”, but what you need is a gentle thread. They need room to make their own choices, little by little. While they learn the consequences of their actions you can enhance their behaviour with the teachings of the Gospel. Thus, they can learn how to use their free will according to God’s commandments. They can learn to make choices so they will receive a good life thanks to Christ. While we do all this, we must remember to pray for them all the time, asking God to guide them in their path.

If we hold them too tight as in a chain, saying always “no” to them, children may rebel and you will lose all authority. Actually, from his point of view you will become a negative influence. Restrictions must be carefully chosen and always based on your love and the understanding of their needs to develop. A child will never understand the love that lays behind your “no”, but when used logically, it will have a good influence.

The hardest thing is to treat the child as a friend. In most of the cases, we don’t scold our friends but we accept them as they are. We don’t try to make them better. But our children need our guidance in order to develop properly. We need to be able to say “no” when necessary, without feeling their rejection. It is crucial  that we make sure that we leave them room for their own choices and that we allow them to make small mistakes so that they learn to make the best choice on their own, feeling that we guide them with love.

Include them in your prayers always and, pray with them every day. Daily prayer is essential for our spiritual growth, as adults and children. When family prays together daily is best.

Original source: orthodoxwayoflife.blogspot.ro